(Nearly) 100 Reasons I Stayed

(a record)

  1. Imagining I’m a Twitch-sponsored yoga influencer wearing wide-leg earth-tone linen pants

  2. Trying to replace avoidance with play

  3. Wearing my scalloped-edge quilt around the kitchen like a dramatic character-actor having a morning meltdown in a billowy robe

  4. Sleeping deeply and deliciously until 5PM on a summer afternoon

  5. Treating myself with a LARGE caramel iced latte from Gipfel. It’s like $7 and I deserve it god damn it.

  6. Creating warm, ambient lighting everywhere (Big Light can go to hell)

  7. Reading through classics like Anna Karenina and Moby Dick from my dad’s library

  8. My husband removing the cactus splinter I carried home between my toes from the Mojave desert sand

  9. There was a squirrel outside my parent’s house this summer that loved to scream, which was new. I grew up with squirrels all around the yard and never heard that impressive vocal range.

  10. I paid around $4 to stream Hot Summer Nights more than once as a recurring joke with my husband, but eventually it turned into a ritual and we watched it about once a month. Now, we own it on DVD but haven’t played it (the grass is always greener).

  11. Hanging all my linens in the cold winter air (Swedes do it)

  12. Wearing my fuchsia wool socks right after the shower. I’ll follow up if I get athletes foot.

  13. My mom is a big supporter of gothic makeup and gifted me some black lipstick! This is the same hero who protected me from myself when I pleaded for Tripp Pants from Hot Topic to wear to sixth grade homeroom.

  14. Wearing my bright purple microbikini to the pool with a full stomach. It felt so good.

  15. Hannaford started selling cheese-stuffed crust pizza, so you know.

  16. Abandoned Linkedin. JFC it had to be done. What even is that platform?

  17. I hired a tax accountant!

  18. I used a paper planner and abandoned calendar apps.

  19. Taking my psychiatric medication on the daily!

  20. I turned off all notifications and alerts on my cell phone (including Messages, Venmo, Gmail, Phone Calls)

  21. Started filling my RX at a local pharmacy. I was filling at CVS this whole time?

  22. Using Act mouthwash (somehow my dentist still isn’t satisfied)

  23. Manifesting my (free!) Owala water bottle

  24. I hemmed my wedding dress and dyed it purple, thank you Rit dye.

  25. Listing Facebook Marketplace items as “local pickup only

  26. Dedicated ROT DAYs each Sunday.

  27. Prioritizing silence, rest, and play in my workday

  28. I made my smoothies using my tried and true Vitamix. She’s turning 8 this year.

  29. I started sewing with my mom’s 1974 Singer sewing machine. It mostly works, as long as I hand-wind all my bobbins.

  30. Infusing love and kindness into the things I own (clothes, makeup, electronics, books, etc!)

  31. Living in a reclined position in my ergonomic lounge chair

  32. My husband bringing home original Pyrex coffee cups

  33. Using a mason jar as a liquid measuring cup. So cottage-core of me!

  34. Treating myself to a 1" thick yoga mat in my favorite color

  35. Manifesting my favorite pair of carpenter pants

  36. Fixating on barrel jeans and making the honorary Old Navy trip

  37. Matching my pillowcases to my sheets

  38. Burning only one Amber + Saffron poser-scent candle at a time

  39. Actually burning through all of my incense

  40. Manifesting a cow skull for my skull collection

  41. Doubling up my antidepressants

  42. Adding a second layer of antidepressants

  43. Finding my great psychiatrist (in network!)

  44. Leaving Instagram

  45. Quitting Tiktok

  46. Petting my dog while sitting with silence

  47. Posting my digital art online

  48. Beginning an accountability art club

  49. Identifying and saying my business goals out loud (omfg that sucked)

  50. Making a cold call

  51. Asking for help

  52. Accepting help with “thank you”

  53. Living with discomfort

  54. Calling the dentist

  55. Attending my dental appointments

  56. Confronting a project I ignored

  57. Confronting a painful memory with love

  58. Leaving social media management and niching down to copywriting. That helped me get some of my brain back.

  59. (Sadly) I quit drinking coffee after 12PM

  60. Downsizing my shoe closet to just the basics.

  61. Decluttering my office supplies. Goodbye musty paperclips.

  62. Letting go of hoarded building supplies

  63. Massively decluttering my apartment with the KonMari method.

  64. Canceling my Guitar Tabs subscription. I’m only saving $40 a year, but I don’t really care about 5 seconds of ads if I can get my Tabs for FREE.

  65. Backing out of two networking events. And never reaching out again (I accidentally burn bridges out of fear).

  66. Avoiding the Troy farmers market.

  67. Renewing my Drivers license and avoiding the DMV!

  68. Parting with tattoo apprenticing (heartbreak but necessary)

  69. Saying HELL YES to visiting family

  70. Saying FUCK NO to visiting certain family

  71. Stealing a plane in Grand Theft Auto.

  72. Mastering stovetop soups (the only way I eat vegetables)

  73. Soup leftovers for 3 days (with protein AND vegetables)

  74. Cooking at least 30 zucchini

  75. Learning to cook fish, in a supple way.

  76. Cooking by candlelight. Call me old-fashioned!

  77. Finding “entertainment” during stress

  78. Surviving the last season of Stranger Things.

  79. Listening to several Sasquatch encounter podcasts with my mom

  80. Locating milkweed with monarch eggs (failed)

  81. Reading for leisure! Oh hell yes. HELL YES.

  82. I used my iPad to make TONS of illustrations! It got me out of a creative funk.

  83. I used my oven at least twice!

  84. Starting a low-expectation podcast with my sister. Also, practicing tolerance and allowing the first three podcast episodes to release despite tons of editing errors!

  85. Showing up to a community art class I said I’d attend (hard)

  86. Finding my voice when I’m uncomfortable speaking up.

  87. Taking staycations

  88. Visiting family graves

  89. Having lakeside dinner

  90. Gummies

  91. Moving my body for fun

  92. My senior chihuahua being as soft as a rabbit in my lap

  93. Listening to my friends instead of joyfully interrupting (I’m rude AF)